Wednesday, December 12, 2007

"A Gentle Diatribe"

Mrs Scrooooge here. She's disguised as a woman with "mad hair" ( I quote the words of her sons and a writer fellow called Adrian who occassionally reads this blog when he's nothing better to do )...
I continue about Mrs Scrooge; she's also disguised as a woman with thickening waist, dwarf sized hands and a tendency to interrupt ( See, R, I know, I know..)

BUT: I am being practical. I am being honest. Well, for the moment. This is it:

I wish Christmas could be less frequent: THERE, I've said it.
I wish Christmas could be once every two years. It comes round faster each year. It comes round faster than Easter, faster than bridges, faster than fairies and certainly faster than witches.It comes round faster than the Magical First Day Of The Summer Holidays ever did ( when I lay in bed, watched sunlight trickle through curtains and realised I had 6 weeks to a)play in the orchard, b)dress up as a squaw, c)watch Roger Gabriel in his jeans on his bike....HIS 10 year old waist in HIS jeans was nothing short of marvellous... BUT I digress)

Hmm, yes. Christmas IS lovely, it's jolly, it's merry, but it demands a lot of thought that takes up time from my every day life which (funnily enough), is actually quite interesting and pretty rewarding and always nice to get back to....without the swaddling of a tree in tinsel ( a gentle green tree, dragged cruelly from a forest) or the fighting of Crazed Humanity in WH Smiths or the planning of Who Goes Where ( as opposed to Who Goes There) or writing Christmas cards to The Little Boy Down The Lane.....sorry, I've lost it; I meant The Man Down the Road ( he who constantly ambushes me as I stagger out of my car in my drive, my shopping hanging off my arms like weary tinsel on a said gentle tree....he who only ever talks about dental problems ( his) the value of houses (his) ...but woa, crumbs! He MUST be worried in today's climate, so I'd better write an extra cheery note on HIS card ( something like: " Count your blessings and not what you're worth!"......and, then of course, there's the Having to Clean behind our Radiators, something I think I SHOULD be doing each year as Christmas approaches (heaven knows why, because I don't)...... I pause lengthily for breath.

Oops, sorry. That's a lie. I haven't got to clean behind radiators and I never have cleaned behind radiators; my family will vouch for that. And they'll also vouch for tops of lampshades, top of fridge and topmost bookshelves. BUT: I was slouching at the kitchen table earlier and while retrieving an olive I'd carelessly dropped behind said radiator, I saw a thicket of woolly dust resembling Shaun the Sheep; it was cosily gathered there, keeping itself warm while shepherds lay, probably stoned under the cooker...
Think that's enough.
I'm off to bed now with a mincepie and "Cranford".
Shaun the Sheep can rest in peace.
I'll list Good Things about Christmas tomorrow.
Coz, yes, there are LOTS!


Blogger apprentice said...

I'm with you on this Jan.
Bah humbug!

11:49 am  
Blogger Debi said...

For a hideous moment I thought I had to add cleaning behind radiators to the list of essential household jobs I never do. Phew ...

7:14 pm  
Blogger Anne Brooke said...

I must admit to not liking Christmas either. The only good thing is that it's a break from work and a chance to relax. And to be with my loved one of course!


9:22 pm  
Blogger Catherine said...

Loved the RLS reference in this one - one of my first poetry books as a child. Fortunately we don't have radiators to clean behind. And I don't even have to put up the (artificial) tree - we never quite got it put away last year! (Though I do have to put the decorations back on).
Yes, Christmas once every two years would do, although it's lovely, and I'm glad to be getting a three week summer break from one of my two jobs.
On the other hand, a holiday like the one we had in September would be very welcome to come around once a year instead of once in a lifetime.

10:42 pm  
Blogger marlyat2 said...

Hah, hah--love the sheepish blanket of dust.

I do go for Christmas, but I am not ready this year--the family bug, mostly--and could wait a few months. But today's foot of snow looks like the right season.

1:04 am  
Blogger Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I am probably more Scroogey than you on this. As far as I'm concerned, I can see no point in Christmas at all - it's all one stressful fest of consumerism and greed. And I'm sure that was never quite what was intended. I'm with Apprentice - Bah Humbug!

5:01 pm  
Blogger Philippa said...

Jan, what a lovely thought, Christmas every 2 years! I've got our cake made, though not marzipanned (1) or iced yet, the mince pies will follow when I break up. It is all so commercial isn't it I just love the chance to wind down, to sit in a cosy room, watch TV or listen to the music that I've missed all year, go for a walk or two.....bliss! A little snow would be nice.It's certainly lost its magic; I can remember going shopping with mum on Christmas Eve, to get the sprouts, the nuts, the cheese, celery, etc. Fat chance nowadays, the shelves would be empty! Off to Fowey for my birthday weekend, there to dream more of a certain R. Plant!!!!

8:58 am  
Blogger Jan said...

Aargh to you too!

No, just the light switches, Debi..that'll do.

Enjoy relaxing!

I imagine your Christmas will be very different. Have a good one.

Get well soon.
A good slug of brandy may well do the trick..

Im sure you'll get some great writing done, see friends, enjoy..

Everyone, yes, shopped Xmas Eve; you came home with veg in baskets or brown paper bags and you knew the name of the green grocer.
Ours was Mr Norcross; I think Im right in saying he drowned while fishing late at night off New Brighton...a dramatic story from my childhood which I've only just remembered NOW!

3:30 pm  
Anonymous Adrian said...

Not mad but big.

1:13 pm  
Blogger Jan said...

Wow, I'm honoured..a visit from Adrian!
Merry Christmas to you and Elaine and hope you're well settled in your new place.

6:45 pm  
Blogger Lucy said...

'she's also disguised as a woman with thickening waist, dwarf sized hands and a tendency to interrupt'
That's me, that's me!
And I've just ended up cleaning out the 'fridge because although it's very nice when the best beloved offers to cook Christmas dinner it's also a kind of day of reckoning when it comes to my somewhat patchy kitchen hygiene, and one way and another seems to entail more work for me than if I did it myself... no, perhaps unfair, but it feels a bit that way!

8:11 pm  
Blogger Jan said...

Wow! Perhaps we're related....?!
Merry Christmas!

8:31 am  
Anonymous watermaid said...

Christmas is a double wammy for me because it's the day before Boxing Day which is my daughter's birthday. I remember her satying,'Please don't give me books this year'. Still, I got a poem out of it whiuch was my first published poem.

Belated greetings for the festive season.

12:36 pm  
Blogger Jan said...

Good to hear you and hope your daughter had a lovely birthday!

10:16 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home